my walking epiphany....

ok so yesterday, i went for a walk. just a calm, relaxing walk. to think. ponder, wonder, work things out...just to chill. i love walking, it always calms me and gives me a new perspective on things when i can't work them out.
so i was thinking, during my walk yesterday, that i'm so lucky. it amazes me that some days i feel like the world is against me and nothing's fair and i want more than i already have. THEN i go for a walk...and i realize that i have so much. i have more than so many people do, and sometimes it makes me feel guilty that i have so much more than so many people in the world. i wish i could give away everything sometimes.
but that's not exactly the point i wanted to get to here...the point is, i have the power. it's taken me so long to really realize this but i've been being so stupid for the last however many years, wanting and wanting and then never going out and actually GETTING what i want. i've tried to justify it to myself, saying, "it's not the time" or "things will happen when they're meant to happen" but when it comes right down to it, i can't use that justification anymore. it's not right, and it doesn't work, and it's led me to where i am now. wanting and dreaming and knowing i can have what i want...but i don't. i know what i have to do. and i can't keep making up excuses to myself as to why i'm not doing it. it's pathetic. i know what i want and i know i can have it. what i don't know is why it's taken me so long to get to this point. i've said this a thousand times so i'm not going to do it again...no more "this is it, this is the last time, no more excuses, deadlines"..blah blah blah. i know the woman i want to be, and i'm sick of making excuses why i'm not trying harder to get what i want. i will be the woman i want to be. no excuses, no deadlines, no justifications...none of the past crap. i'm just going to give it my all and leave it at that. if i fall on my face, i'll get back up. i don't care how long it takes for me to get what i want, but i am going to get it. no matter what it takes, no matter how long it takes. i'm not going to make myself feel guilty anymore for not trying cause i am going to TRY. i'm going to try my best and give it my all and not take second best cause i deserve better!! i'm not going to be walked on top of, i'm not going to take anyone's bull and i'm going to try my absolute best in everything that i do!!
feeling so empowered right now =) it's great!!
keep you all updated on progress. much love, k xo

sometimes we love someone so much that we have to be numb to it...because if we could really feel that amount of love it would kill us

ok so i'm in a really emotional sort of mood today...i don't really care about much right now except the people i love; and the people i USED to love that now i feel i'm better off without. i don't know why it is that so many people have hurt me in the last year...what did i do? or, what did i not do?? it's so confusing.
yesterday i saw tegan-my ex best friend who tried to justify saying hurtful things that i asked her to keep to herself by saying "i did say i was going to tell you the truth." but that's really a load of absolute piffle...you can't justify hurting someone when you know that you're doing it...if you have a heart and a conscience anyway. obviously she doesn't, but that's not my concern any more. good luck to her. i don't really care either way.
as for the people i do still love....more than my life...i'm really missing my brother at the moment. it's weird to live in the same house as someone but feel like you're on another planet. i miss how we used to have fun together. time to reconnect.
i love you bro

BURNOUT COMP TONIGHT, WOOO!!! love unconventional dates =P

ok so the bandag bullet is hitting the road tonight...and guess who has a free ticket!!! freakin woooo!!! gonna be the most AWESOME night!!! haha gotta love mine and david's crazy dates...4x4ing, sailing...and now hitting a burnout comp with muscle cars and a potential free ride on the bullet.........yyyeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!! can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!!

that's it, not whinging about my assignment ANY MORE!! =D

ok so today was a pretty good day =) uni was kind of a drag...but hey, that's why i hate wednesdays...one 50min class is just a total waste of time and energy!!! and dani wasn't at uni today, waaaaaaaaaaahh!!! missed her lots!!
but i scored a shift at work, that was a bonus =) bit of extra moolah in my purse next week, woot!! gotta love that!! back to work with ally tomorrow night =D love thursday nights. and sundays. ally and kirst super days lol
had a real good d&m with my bestie tammy today...if i could have one wish right now it would be to take away all the pain and misery that she's going through right now. no details but she's having a pretty shit time, and really needs her bestie gal aka me!! it absolutely kills me to see her in pain...she's my best, dearest friend, she's like a sister to me. my soul sister!!
and it got me thinking....whhhhy do horrible things so often happen to amazing people?? that is just the biggest conundrum of my existence!! not being totally vain but i think i'm an awesome person..and in the last year-ish i've just had an absolute ass of a time!! so-called friends stabbing me in the back...............screwing me around...breaking my heart. why why why does it happen?! i think that's a question i'll never find a satisfactory answer to. but i'll keep searching!!!!

oh my god i hate my japanese culture assignment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >=(

oh god why why why why whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????????????????????????????????????????????
why must my assignment be so damn hard to write?! no inspiration.....nothing. zip. zilch. nada. changed my mind about my topic AGAIN.....and now will have to decide on another one...and research...and write 2000 words....before 5pm friday. damn you procrastination.....you are seriously killing me. should have done this stupid assignment WEEKS ago and now i feel like a total knob.... ='(
on the plus side, someone who i haven't spoken to in months found me on facebook, and i'm really happy about it =) i only hope our friendship picks up where it left off, cause i've missed her and i've been thinking about her a lot. meaka, talking about you doll =) thank you from the bottom of my heart for not forgetting me and for coming back into my life. i'm sure we can work everything out and all will be rainbows and smiles!! xxoo
and on another plus side, my beautiful boyfriend is home =D missed him so much today!! even when he hasn't had the best day at work, it still melts my heart to see him walk through the door and smile. david, love you so much baby xoxoxoxoxoxo
but, back to this STUPID EFFING ASSIGNMENT.....can the awesome assignment fairies write it and hand it in for me?? and finish lara's and dani's for them and hand them in too??? so us girls can just chillax?! is that too much to ask??????? waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!
oh well. better go do it i suppose....

haha this blog is sooo dani's fault... =P

ok. so i never really thought that this whole 'blogging' craze would be something that i'd really get into...but then i looked at dani's blog. and i realised that blogging isn't really the antichrist like i thought before..so here we are! roses at twilight was born. and before dani goes off the handle and blames my current twilight obsession for the name...teehee....no, i didn't call my blog roses at twilight cause of my twilight obsession. my reason is actually waaay more generic and boring than that...roses are my favourite flower, and twilight is my favourite time of day. wow, how thrilling that is!! =)
sooo...today. i should be doing a japanese culture assignment. emphasis on SHOULD be...cause i really, truly, totally just can't be bothered. and it's due on friday. oh goody.... >=( really excited about finishing my first year of uni right now!!!!!!!!!